I really, really wish I had someone to talk with that understood learning another language....someone that actually understood what I'm talking about when I say all nouns are gender, masculine, feminine or neuter. Someone who doesn't just get the concept, but speaks it. I wish I had someone around who knew what I meant when I don't translate things in my head - I don't always know the English term for the Russian word. Does that mean I would make a terrible translator? For now, yes, but it means that I'm more immersed in the Russian language, and that's a good thing right? I'm not thinking in English but trying to speak Russian at the same time. There are others out there who can understand this, understand me, but I have not connected with anyone yet...and my husband doesn't count. He does ask, every day actually, but his second language is ASL, he does his best, but is it wrong to want more?
Also, and actually completely unrelated to Russian really, I find myself missing my family. My family that I can't just pick up the phone and call and make missing them go away. I miss my Grandma S so much, she would listen to anything I had to say, and patiently try to understand everything, even the racing thoughts of a teenager. She followed my thought process wherever I led. I miss my Grandma J - I was getting more into art when she died, and we were having more connections, even though I was a little bit bitter about everything, a lot of walls were coming down...but I miss my dad most of all.
This project I'm doing for class, we're writing about our family. I inserted a picture of my Grandma J (I couldn't find my Grandma S digitally) and said "This is my Grandma, she died" and then I put up a picture of my dad, and said "This is my dad, he died, May 28th, 2003." My dad, man, if he were alive he'd always have time to talk with me about anything and everything I wanted to talk about. He'd never put me off, never say he was too busy, never be or even act uninterested. And he'd understand everything. My dad understood me so well, and I miss him so much, like with my Grandma S, I could talk with my dad about most everything, he never grew impatient, never tried to change the subject, and got excited with me, not just for me, about everything. I never felt like I was having a monologue with myself.
I guess these things go together, really - part of the reason I miss my dad or my Grandma S so much is that if they were around I wouldn't feel this clawing need in me to talk with someone about my classes...with someone who really understood. They would already be asking. Every day.